There is something beautiful that is hidden in anonymity. Walking down a street looking obviously harrowed or depressed while you know that no one who sees you now will remember your face is a high. Blogging to me was the same high.

This desire was anonymity is starkly different from wanting to be invisible. On the contrary, you want to be seen and noticed, without having to disclose your identity. On the road, it is easier to convince yourself that you are being noticed. Sometimes even 'unwanted' stares feel good because you are being noticed. You can role play and get away with it. How do you do it on a blog? Till someone shouts back, you feel as if you were hollering in a deserted vale. The echo of your own voice your only companion. And that does the opposite of what is sought. Loneliness instead of being dissipated, shrouds you more strongly. That is what happened. And why I gave this up.

Today, more than three years later, when teenage seems like history, I still feel just as stupid and lost. This is not how it was supposed to turn out. What happened to being wiser and older?

In these three years, dreams have been fulfilled and they have been shattered. Dreams have even been forgotten. What scares me is that I have stopped dreaming. Worse, I had forgotten that there was a time when I did dream. I seem to have lost confidence over the years rather than gaining it. I have lost faith in people and in the world. I am not unhappy. But I do not feel bubbly any more. And sometimes I leaf through the yellow pages of bygone days to go back into that bubble again- to jump and dream and hope.

I don't like being older. Though it has certain perks. :p

Still apprehensive, still JustAnotherGirl! 

Disillusioned!

I had made a promise to myself, small and simple

No expectations I’ll have that they’ll trample.

But that small flicker, that small hope of care

Never knew would leave me feeling so bare

I hadn't asked for much, or did I?

What gave them the right to make me cry?

I kept accepting the little they had to offer

Thinking that in time it will all get better

Just to realize how naïve I could be

Did not know I had only worse to see.

Unconditional love I had promised to give

But a little care even I do need to live.

I bent my ego, bent over backwards with care

Hoping I could peel away the hard layer

And get to a softer core that would melt

That would with me have lovingly dealt

Gone is the illusion, shattered is the hope

Now I can feel the air around, a tight rope!

Somehow I still want to believe that I am wrong

Angel winged you’ll come and with love throng

But again, it’s all a dream, a figment , a wisp

Of an unfulfilled dream, now I can only lisp

For the surmise that had made everything pour

Has already gone far out of my door.

Random Scrambling!

     A loud snore comes from my Grandma's room, the ticking of the clock resonating in the living room, the only sound apart from the thudding of my laptop keys. A stray yellow light makes its way into my room, the only light apart from my Desktop light. It's the middle of the night and I am more awake than I was during the day!
      Away from the crass cacophony of the day, I cherish the mellifluous silence of the night, when I can hear the honking of the train borne by the winds, from the railway station 3 kms away, right to my doorstep. It is the time for self contemplation. Well, to turn into a self proclaimed philosopher.
      Recently I heard a few lines with stuck with me,
 " Din ke ujiyaare mein na kar koi aisa kaam ki raat ke andhiyare mei neend na aaye,
    Raat ke andhere mei na kar koi aisa kaam ki din ke ujaare mei muhh chpata fire! "
...And I muse over my day...Getting up with the sound of Dadiji's morning aarti. That furious solving of Differential Equations (grRRHhhh!!) of which I am likely to have no use after 25th Feb, the preparation for mock test for CLAT, the hour spent in traffic jam (another grrRRh!), the I-am-interested-in-talking-to-you-chat with pados wali aunty! The hunger, and Mum's amazing pasta with garlic bread (wooooOOOooow!). What a day!
       And then the night waltzes in, in so intriguing a fashion, the sun sets, and the sky is suddenly shrouded with a dark blanket. Stars look like torch light thrown by some space creature! The world sleeps whilst I think of all possible random things, school, friends, sister, clothes, crushes (yup! it is plural!), and a lot of philosophy.
      There are days when we are in the self deprecating mood, pity for our own selves, that's what we often thrive on. Till we see someone with way less, and suddenly we are infused with an inspiration. Prayers are said in gratitude, prayers are said for the less fortunate (who well, just helped us feel better about our lives), and then the night passes away, The next morning, we get up late. Find our uniform crumpled, our lucky pen missing, and we miss the bus. It's back to being the most pathetic life ever. once again, we are consumed in self pity!
       But there are also the days we have our highs, our smile couldn't have got bigger, life could not have treated us better. All smiles, we are ready to give a Miss Universe speech then!
   

    Equanimty???
Not something we know. We are teenagers who have highs and lows in the same day, sometimes even at the same time! We are teenagers who can laugh at PJs and make faces at a witty remark. We pretend to know stuffs we have no clue of. We say we hate gossip, and yet can indulge in it all day long! We are always fretting about our looks, (too fat!/ too thin!) (too pointed a nose/ too broad!) (too fair/ too dark!) (too tall/ too short!) and bad hair days can make us shun the world and everything around. You can look at us and say in that familiar tone, "Teenagers (sigh)!"
"Hell yeah! We are t(h)ee nag(g)ers!"

Expectations Unlimited!

The billion expectations, I feel so crushed

Under their pressure, my spirits hushed

I am trying, but I fail to deliver my best

A strange fear haunting near each test

The ‘what-ifs’- they scare me, make me fear

If I fail, would they understand or leer?

When I succeed, with pride they stand

If I fall, will they outstretch their hand?

With their hopes rising, my heart bests faster

An inexplicable terror becomes my master.

Failure has so begun to haunt each attempt

To give up even trying I feel a strong tempt.

But I have to continue the journey everyday

The ghost of fear I will have to slay

Their expectations, I do not know if I’ll meet

But I promise: my dreams shall not be beat.

I will struggle; I will tussle, every day every night

Till my dreams will see the day’s light!

Bring it on!

Hello everyone, specially one!
        If the sun could have shined at night, it would have been a sunny night tonight! I don't know about all of you, but for me, that first comment on my blog, (totally unexpected!) has me feeling so elated, I'm doing a strange dance in my room right now! (I guess, the exclamation mark after every sentence is clear testimony to that!) I have to get up early tomorrow (and study), and it is already pretty late. So I suppose I'll have to postpone a proper post for now. But this one's just to let the world know that JustAnotherGirl is here to stay! The Blue Periwinkle This one I owe only to you!
Bring it on,
JustAnotherGirl!
PS: This was written a night and a day back! but looks like I had forgotten to click on Post! :D

A close too soon :( :)

Hello to anyone who is listening! :)
I have been browsing through my blog and I realise how it comes across as an unplanned, hap-hazard and meaningless one! Too much blabbing, and yet it lacks the butterfly-ish look of a blabber blogger!
I come across as someone confused, tangled in the knots within, a girl TRYING to be the next big thing. Yesterday, I was serious, and yesterday I was random, and yesterday I was talking basically nonsense! And that is who I actually am! You can't make head or tail of me, else I won't be me!
I am the kind of person who'll be serious with teachers, formal with acquaintances and downright crazy with close ones! Probably, that is why I am more temperamental here. I am used to changing my roles according to the people around me. Here, I have no one (practically!) and perhaps, I cannot decide which one to be here. I know what you're going to say. It's obviously going to a Just-be-yourself!
But this muddled up girl is me...So I figured out something today...Fiction, I can't write, and my life isn't juicy enough for anyone to care. It kills my ego to say so, but I don't seem to be cut out for this. I hate to give up, but there seems no point in going on...So looks like this is my fourth and last post in the bloggers world!
However, in the unsuccessful attempt of fulfilling my daydreams, I came across a wonderful blog. And if you're regretting visiting my blog, read this amazing blog to make your day!
Bidding adieu,
Keep smiling (I sure always am, well mostly at least!),
JustAnotherGirl!

Another beginning, hopefully better!

Hello again!
Tonight I'm on a roll! :D
However, 0 comments, 0 followers, that, well, just sucks! So I was out there trying to grasp the tricks of the trade. Here's what I learnt tonight!

What you shall now read, is the result of tedious research and a lot of hard work. A lot of information there is confidential. Hence, before continuing to read, you must swear to secrecy. In case of any default, you are liable to punishment as may be decided by the Whimsical Court of ApprehensivelyYours.

Keys to becoming a successful blogger: 

1) Make your blog look good (Whatever they may say, looks DO matter!)

2) Bring out your madness!!! Yo! yo! yo! (Cause no one wants drab 'n' dull! Damn, while putting up those previous posts I had to work so hard to be all uptight, phew! finally I can write like me!)

3) Tag important bloggers in your post (For this, I would like to extend a huge thank you to Nihareekaa....Please don't sue me for copyright issues...(I'm a huge fan ...*drooling eyes* (that should save me the legal troubles))

4) Post often (The world should constantly be irked with your presence!)

5) Add photos (Remember, how much you hate text books without colourful pictures!)

6) now, now, now....Rest are going to be my trade secrets. Hah! what did you think, I'd hand over all my research to you for free! Not so easy!

So to all you novices out there, Learn from me!!! Sigh, probably I should reserve that for the day I get a 100 followers (if ever!). But did I tell you, I'm a dreamer. I dream with eyes wide open. And you know what I'm seeing right now, I see myself with 1639 followers, I see people waiting for me to post, I see myself oh so successful! Come on (*puppy eyes*) you have to help fulfil my dream, together we will create a better world blog, and a happier world me!

Now, I would like to solemnly swear that I am a useless madcap, who is here to bore you to death. And if you dare to leave me without comments (and good ones at that too), you're dead meat! (just kidding!) (or am I?)

Well, enough for tonight! :

Smile your biggest smile (and write me a sweet comment :P)

JustAnotherGirl!